Thursday, 30 October 2008
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Currently Listening
Missundaztood
By Pink
My Vietnam
see relatedI Know You Think You're Better Than Me
But you're not. I know you think that because I got married at the tender age of 20 that I'm "old." Lame. Uncool. The complete opposite of you. You think that because you're young and single that your life is akin to that of Carrie Bradshaw. So G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S that Fergie should spell it out in one of her songs for you. You're wrong.
You think that your life is more exciting than mine. You go out in the middle of the week and party like it's 1999. You hang out with people you call your friends until all hours of the morning, boozing it up. You accompany strange men into strange houses to smoke pot and accept drinks that very well could be drugged. Pretty exciting, right? Bad to the bone you are. You look at my life and see dullness. But you're wrong.
Tell me; what could be more exciting than coming home to the man who loves you each and every day? To know that no matter what you do with that person, you are contented. Perfectly blissful. And the best part is that you have the next day to look forward to. And the day after that. And the day after that. What could possibly be more exciting than planning a future with that person? To know that you have a future to begin with? No, your life is not more exciting than mine.
You think that your life is sexier than mine. More appealing. Alluring. You shave your legs every day and style your hair the exact same way, because you never know what the night time could bring. You have the sexiest bras and underwear just in case. Just in case you meet another stranger at a bar who gives you that look. That feeling of danger and excitement. You spend your nights seeking these men out, these men who can give you one night of pleasure. What could be sexier than the chase?
I'll tell you. What's sexy is not having to do the chase at all. To know that virtually any time, any day, any where, you have a companion that's willing to be with you. That wants to be with you, yes, even when he's sober. What's sexy is not having to tell someone what makes you feel good because he already knows. What's sexy is having someone at your beck and call, who's willing to experiment and to play. Who's able to love you, while making love, in cars, stairwells, hot tubs, couches, beds...And you think your life is sexy?
You think your life is fuller than mine. Full of friends, family, admirers. In any given day your cell phone rings at least 20 times, most of which are calls from people you've deemed friends. You're invited to endless numbers of parties, gatherings, occasions. You've got so many friends that you're sure that Facebook will soon be telling you that you've reached the maximum capacity. You laugh at the meager numbers of people I'm able to invite to my parties. You feel pity for me. "Poor Andrea," you think, "she must get so lonely."
You're the one who's lonely. While I may not have as many friends as you, the quality of friends I have is exponentially higher than yours. I have close friends. Friends who know me, who know my secrets. Friends I can talk to, about love, life, or just the trivial happenings of my day. I have friends that I'm comfortable sitting in silence with, because I know there's no need to impress them. I know you wish you could do the same.
You think you have me all figured out; you think you have me fooled. You get together with me once every month or so out of obligation. You always manage to squeeze me in, thinking that I'll be grateful to have this one weekend day to spend with you. But really, I'm the one who's got you figured out. See, I know that if I don't invite you to hang out with me during the day on a Sunday, it's not going to happen. I know that time with me isn't important enough to you to merit a Friday or Saturday night. I know that you'd ditch my birthday dinner in order to party with the cool kids. I know these things about you. You can't say the same about me.
Sometimes I wonder why we still maintain this illusion of friendship. The person you are now is nothing like the person I first met 12 years ago. I guess I keep thinking that maybe, just maybe, you'll change someday. And that day, that someday, you'll realize that you're not better than anyone else. You're not better than me.
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Comments (61)
It's really unfortunate. We know from psychology that sometimes insecurity masks itself as the projection of self-assurance, but that kind of failure to connect with other people on a meaningful level is sad.
OOH! Maybe you're next!
*rec!*
@moritheil - What's more sad is having people in your life that really want to have that connection with you, but just being unwilling to go that extra step to reciprocate.
@Hathaway_Lane - Merci beaucoup!
@StewieIsMyHero - Thank you so much! I love my mini.
I got married when I was 20, too. And I agree--having a man who is committed to you and loves you for more than your body is infinitely sexier than the kind of man one hooks up with at the club.
And I'm joining the club: the REC club!
This so true. You write very well. I think the life of being married is way more exciting. I love that I don't have to shave my legs everyday..lol..I love that even when I wake first thing in the morning all messed up from sleep that my husband still thinks I am the most beautiful women around.
@Amarisa - Thanks for the rec, that's awesome! I'm glad I'm not the only young married woman who doesn't think she's missing out on anything.
@mini_dachshund_lover - Seriously, who wants to shave their legs every day? And how those husbands find us sexy in the morning when our hair is out to here (makes hand gesture) and our breath smells is beyond me. But that's why we love them! Thanks for the rec and the comments!
Very well written.
And more importantly, something that has needed to be said for quite some time.
This is an excellent post. I hoped to be the first comment, but t'was not to be! LOL
:O I hope this person doesn't exist. If so, bitch slap her for me. Those racy lifestyles are full of shit.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for posting this!! I also got married young, I know how you feel. If I could recommend this more than once I would!!
Wow. This post really resonated with me. I used to feel exactly this way at times about my single-gal friends who have grown apart from me after I got married. It really stung when a good friend of mine (one of my bridesmaids, actually) teased me mercilessly about being so lame and boring and not going out.. And she's right. I don't go out as much as I used to. But it's not because I don't want to. It's because she doesn't invite me anymore.
It's great that we both recognize how meaningful and rewarding our relationships are. However, I've realized that feeling bitter about the friends I lost was not healthy. Over time, I've moved on by focusing on other friendships. And even though I feel sad about losing some of my single-gal friends, I sincerely hope that they eventually find true happiness.
@Bricker59 - Well I know you were one of the first to view it when the comments were jacked up, so I'll count your comment as first in spirit.
@haloed - Sadly this post was indeed inspired by someone I know in real life.
@laurenvw - Thank you so much! It's nice to have a sympathetic ear who can understand.
@spiritedsherry - I rarely get invited along anymore either. I have a hard time determining if it's because they know I'd likely say no, or if it's because they don't want me to tag along. I have really conflicting feelings about the whole situation. I try not to be bitter and to just resign myself to the fact that this is what our relationship is going to be like until she catches up to me maturity-wise, if she ever does. But part of me is tired of hanging in there. Maybe it's time to just let this one go? But I've invested so much already, ya know? It's rough.
@ISLYMORE - Thank you for the mini! Nobody is better than anybody else just because they do or do not have a significant other. I hate it when people define themselves that way.
@haloed - Oh, she exists all right.
@haloed - Woops, we responded to you at pretty much the same time. Sorry for the overload.
Don't worry. I got married at 19. I know I am not a fuddy dud, so I am fairly positive you aren't! (Just look at your profile picture!)
@Hathaway_Lane - I'm curious to know more :P I'm such a dramatic person when it comes to hating other women lol.
cleverly thought-out and written. rec-worthy for sure.
I'm with elgaberino
Whoa. Awesome.
If you could take your scenario and throw it into the high school setting (IE. I am not married), you would have me. I have some amazing friends who love me like crazy, and when I hang out with people who are more interested in talking about cute guys and partying than about real things, it's always a disappointing let down. There's nothing I find less interesting than the typical high school girl. I'm glad I'm not her. Funny that some people never grow up.
Cool post. Glad that you, and people like you, are in the world.
Wow... great post. I am jealous...ok ok, your better than me! lol
This sounds more bitter than anything. Such sweet innocence.
great post! this was incredibly well written. good job.
love this post.
sounds like you have a soul mate - i'm jealous